Today im lucky to be alive. But we'll get to that.
I'll catch you up from Saturday, where after my early morning efforts Friday i didnt get started until the much more civilised time of 2pm, knowing i wouldnt get a walk done on Sunday (eddie and i went with some friends to see red hot chilli peppers Sunday afternoon, which everyone knows requires all day of drinking beforehand, no time for walkng there) i had aimed to thrash out a 10 miler, hoping the 2 miles extra effort today would cancel out the 8 miles lost effort the next day (thats womans maths for you) However there was an obstacle that prevented me from walking a new distance, on an extended route that no Allison had walked before; a brown furry obstacle. Thats right, Mam made me take the dog. There was no way the dog would walk 10 miles, he gets whiney at 6 miles, and makes me want to let him off his lead, throw a stick as far as i can then hide while he goes after it so that i can go home and pretend i lost him after 4. Who am i kidding he makes me wish i really did lose him after 2. Make that 1. He gets under my feet, he lurches at passing walkers (in a friendly way, but if i didnt know our large toothy mutt and he lurched at me i wouldnt know that) and after a distance that suits him he becomes slow and lazy. I dont mind admitting, the dog holds me back. But Mam wouldnt hear a word against him, so i passed a grumpy 8 miles in a moderately successful time considering the burden i dragged with me.
Sunday was a walk free day, although such is the nature of a rock concert that there was a certain amount of leaping around involved, which is excersise i suppose, although it was probably offest by the alcohol consumed, which had a knock-on effect on yesterday, where i managed a mere 4 miler after a day of napping between bouts offeeling sorry for myself, and even that made me feel like i wouldnt survive the walk home.
That wasnt the source of my "lucky to be alive" though. That was today. After a cigarette related emergency this morning (grandma had run out and need more NOW before she strangled a passing paper boy or post man) i didnt set off til after lunch. It had been a clear sunny day and id been looking forward to my walk. I set off (dog free as Mam was at work) and marched purposefully for about three quaters of a mile, then it began to rain. I ignored it and made it approximately a mile and a half before thunder rolled and the heavens really opened. "Nature!" I wailed into the sky, "Its like you dont want me to succeed!" Nature responded by increasing the rainfall. Grumpily i turned to stomp home, getting angrier and wetter and wetter and angrier, as i came in sight of home the rain stopped. It flipping well flaming well oh-my-godding well stopped. Furios now i spun round on my heel to set out again, and add 5 miles to this 3 mile effort when i was struck down (this is the part i was lucky to survive) I got a cramp. Not just any cramp though, a cramp the likes of which you have never seen, a cramp of such epic proportions it wouls have been less painful to amputate the offending leg there and then. I collapsed to the ground in agony. In the move Scarlett would swoon delicately into the grass, where her Orlando Bloom jogger would appear and catch her and it would all be very romantic, in reality though i flailed around like a baby elephant in quicksand shreiking like a banshee on ecstasy until the pain passed. Following which i limped home, clocking a time of 3 miles in 40 minutes, or 3 miles in 48 minutes if you include cramp-ridden time, which im hoping not to.
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